Jimmy Kimmel Time Travels From the Past, Begs to Go Back to 1999

Jimmy Kimmel from the past breaks out of a secret military facility and meets himself. The interview does not go well.


After breaking out of a Government facility, Jimmy Kimmel has brought to light a secret time traveling project named “Blue Balls” tested at a covert military installation in Nevada for decades. The shocker? This Jimmy Kimmel is from nineteen years ago.

While running from agents Mr. Kimmel was able to contact his attorney and ensure safe passage to a LA hotel, military officials searched for the late night host until he showed up on CBS News discussing his befuddled state.

Not long after the young Jimmy Kimmel was invited to and appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live to meet his older self. The taping began friendly but turned for the worse.

People from around the world watched as a young Jimmy sulked, when asked what was wrong he responded, “Well the future isn’t looking too bright for me. In my time I was drinking beer and getting my zucchini sucked on the street. Today, I see me crying on television about health care and something called “me too” where men aren’t allowed to get laid unless they sign a contract. There’s a lot of ugly men out there, how the hell are they supposed to get a girl if they’re not aggressive!?”

Jimmy Kimmel getting his Zucchini sucked on the street.

The Jimmy from 2018 was taken aback by the brash and sexist undertone of the question, “I resent that. You have to understand, Jimmy, these are different times. The “me too” movement has liberated women from a sex charged work environment, they can speak their mind if their bosses come on to them.” Jimmy returned skeptically, “And how did you meet your wife Molly?” The older Jimmy went flush red, “She was one of my employees.”

After review of “The Man Show” tapes the young Mr. Kimmel was charged with sexual misconduct and tried at a Court in Los Angeles. Female activists stormed the city and banged the doors looking to flood the courthouse, older Jimmy Kimmel joined them in chanting, “Hell no, old Jimmy must go!”

Young Jimmy Kimmel was sentenced to ten years in a state penitentiary where he now spends time making license plates with his boyfriend Castle.



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