Linda Sarsour Decides She’s White while on Vacation in Mexico

While taking a cruise around the Acapulco, Mexico streets, Linda Sarsour was detained by Federal Military. Satire piece.


While on vacation in Alcopulco last week, Linda Sarsour removed the hijab and PeeWee’s Playhouse style makeup to enjoy her white privilege while perusing local beaches, restaurants and pubs.

Between a hard load of calls with the Muslim Brotherhood and hijacking feminine rights rallies in Washington DC, the trendy Christian gone Muslim decided to go full “wypippo” by joining the Fraternities in keg stands, beer bongs and miniature golf. Quoted Ms Sarsour, “As a mouthpiece for Islam I’m not often allowed to say what I think or try the new products, I absolutely love these new female condoms!”

While sunbathing her frequently covered chin and shielded ankles, the Brooklyn native was startled to discover a team of military sweeping through the city of over half a million. “I couldn’t believe it, I ran back to the hotel and turned on the television.” Realizing she hates Spanish and everything it stands for Ms Sarsour jumped on her phone and read the news: “Mexican town’s entire police force arrested in connection with mayoral candidate’s murder: report”.

A Mexican Soldier Demands the Reporters Coffee.

“Immediately, military began flooding through the hotel hallway, “I was so flustered I hid in the bathroom and prayed for help. When none came I flushed the toilet instead, I figured it was just as useful,” echoed Ms Sarsour. According to local news outlets, Mexico’s military had barricaded surrounding streets and quarantined the hotel known to be housing corrupt police (and a potential American jihadi). 

Officials in the Federal government released bodycam that showed the soldier breaking into Sarsour’s bathroom and asking if the huddled woman was harmed or required assistance. Sarsour responded, “I don’t understand, please just leave!” From camera footage the soldier is seen backing out of the room and before exiting the room until the screen lands on a Qur’an laying on the bed. 

After three nights of rigorous questioning in jail Linda Sarsour is back in the US, “Those Mexicans are so racist.” When this reporter pointed out Islam is not a race Linda responded, “Yeah? You’re racist.”




This is a satire piece and not to be taken literal, no one was harmed in the making of this article though a few egos may be bruised.


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