Social Media Bans Alex Jones Who Then Clambers onto Capital Hill After Pub Crawl


On Thursday, while in a hazy, red-faced stupor, Alex Jones stomped up to Capital Hill in mud caked boots hoping to trigger a Senator. Recent offensives against Mr Jones’s InfoWars has the media and conservative outlets such as this one in a huff, a perceived and real threat on the First Amendment resulting in an onslaught of disorderly Tweets and chewing tobacco pasting pub floors. Social Media bans on Alex Jones were all the rage.

After repeated offenses by Infowars tech giants fell like dominos, the first to take action in a long succession was Mark Zuckerburg whose explanation changed while Alex Jones’s rhetoric had not. Next up, Apple’s removal of Alex Jones from their podcasts, in major cities all across America sips of soy coffee were delayed in repeated searches of playlists labeled “Infowhores”. It wasn’t long before Google, Youtube and now Twitter virtually silenced the millionaire shuckster.  Seemingly what these giants really sought was cover, a leader in censorship to test the waters. Lucky for them the real life Sam McKinnis was available as justification to why censorship may be in order.

Held up as a sacrificial lamb in the name of expression suppression, Alex Jones and his channel have made headlines during discussions on how to best shut down speech.  Jackals and wolves “coordinated” on the senate floor, new policies based on supplement induced JFK conspiracy theories by Infowars were examined.

Mr Jones, in a true to form version of the bully Biff in Back to the Future decided Marco Rubio would do a fine job in the role of Marty McFly. When confronted, Senator Rubio, part of the committee for investigating Internet censorship by media giants, claimed to have no knowledge of Alex Jones or his show Infowars, irrespective of him being the hottest topic on Internet censorship today.

Other radical conservative voices have been kicked off Social Media as of late such as Milo Yiannopoulos, a gay advocate for Trump that stated a past relationship with a priest at the young age of 13 had benefit him. Social media and news outlets have determined to target more extreme voices in the conservative genre in order to justify silencing their speech, while these voices may or may not warrant disciplinary action, completely banning them only proves the popularity of conservatism in America.

Update: Alex Jones was last seen fleeing into a nearby swamp dragging behind him an elderly gentleman later assumed to be Bernie Sanders.

(This is a parody piece)





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